Live Your Life Authentically Your Way
Last night I had the privilege of being a guest on the Naomi Empowers show. (The YouTube replay video is above).
The aim of Naomi’s show is to get below the surface level of what we usually see on social media, and to have a very real and honest talk with her guests. Naomi asks the questions that make you delve deeper into who you really are and what you’re about. One of the questions she asks, is,
What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learnt in life?
What I have learnt that has made a huge difference to me, is to;
Live your life authentically your way!
Going deeper into what I spoke about on the show, I realise that I spent far too many years worrying about what other people would think of me and my choices and so I therefore found myself settling. I wasn’t happy, because I was living to please other people even if it was to the detriment of my own happiness and self-fulfilment.
I was too concerned with whether people would think I was big-headed and showy and too stoosh, to really pursue my business dreams. I stayed in a marriage for longer than I should have because I didn’t want people to judge me negatively for getting divorced or being a solo parent. I stayed in a career that although I enjoyed, was affecting my work-life balance, because it was expected of me. I downplayed my goals and aspirations and what I genuinely wanted out of my life, because I didn’t want people to think my chest was too high and who did I think I was wanting such a high life. I wanted to enjoy my life, I wanted to do certain thing and go to certain places, but that wasn’t what good Christian wives do or wear or go. I was shell of my true self. I felt stifled. I was stagnant. I felt like my life was going nowhere fast. My self-confidence was broken and at its lowest. That in turn made me too fearful to event attempt to go after my goals, the things I wanted to do & true happiness, because what if I did and failed? Everyone would be laughing at me and saying I told you so. That I should have just stuck to where I am, know my place and be happy. I felt like my life had just plateaued.
The problem with that, is that’s not me. I couldn’t do it. I am not someone who is happy to just coast along. I was & would always be longing for something more. I felt empty inside. Unfulfilled, my life was not satisfying me. On the outside it all looked good. I had a career in the legal field, I had a husband, I had my children, I had a home & a car, clothes on our back, loving family and friends around me, so what more do I want, right?! I wanted to be happy. I wanted to feel like I had achieved something. I wanted to set myself goals and accomplish them. I wanted to have fun and enjoy my life. I wanted to truly live my life, my way!
The catalyst for me to finally stop caring what people thought or would think about me, and for me to just go for everything I wanted was after my mum passed away. It was a time of reflection for me, where I looked at every aspect of my life and asked myself if I was genuinely happy with the place I was at. See I had masked & pushed down my unfulfillment and unhappiness for so long, that I didn’t even realise anymore that I was not truly living, I was just merely existing. I didn’t even recognise that I was unhappy with my life anymore. I just accepted that this was my life and was willing to settle with it. That time of analysing my life made me realise I had two options. I could either accept this is what it is, stay in my safe little bubble and just put up with it & know I will never be truly fulfilled, or I could take the daunting leap of faith, to make changes to my life & let the chips fall where they fall, but know I did it my way and with no regrets. I choose the latter. It wasn’t easy, it was hard, it was scary, it was difficult, it was lonely, it was dark, it was everything I didn’t want it to be, but I fought through it, because I knew on the other side of that dark, lonely, scary cocoon, there had to be something better.
As the Butterflyy mantra says; “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she emerged a beautiful butterfly.”
Not having the safety net of my parents being alive anymore to catch me if I fell, made me go even harder for what I wanted. It made me fight through with more determination, because I had just completely uprooted my boys’ lives, so I had to make it work and get it right for them, otherwise it had all been in vain. During that period of cocoon, I learnt so much about myself. I discovered what I wanted my life to really look like, I figured out what I did and didn’t want from every part of my life. I discovered who I was. I built back my confidence and then-some. I learnt how to speak my truth. I learnt how to manifest over my life. I remembered how to set my set myself goals and work towards achieving them. I dared to wear those outfits that showed a little skin. I went out to where I want to go. I dare to dream of & push towards bigger and better things. I moved out of London on my own, just me and my two boys, because I knew I could achieve more. I became a butterfly who wasn’t afraid to fly high and pretty and try new things & experiences.
Now I can truly say I am happily living my life authentically; my way & I wouldn’t ever dream of going back to the old me.